A New Way

I found one of my notebooks on clearing out our attic yesterday and in it my morning pages (a stream of consciousness) from last november which in reflection seems to be about the 11.11.11 Time portal/Stargate . On reflecting about the past year and the way many people have been pushed into living their truth, in other words not hiding from what they feel is the right and true way for them, i really do think that deep changes and big shifts have been happening.

"Stargate- the opening, the awakening, the portal. A clear wide open channel/doorway for utter connection, total renewal, transformation, a wholeness and healing on every level including the old mental attitudes shed and new whole ones formed, a new way, a new walk, an old remembrance a remembrance of the old way. Vulnerabilities, vulnerability stepping out, arms wide open, free, new direction threatens the old, but it has reached a tipping point, the new way is stronger than the old so it will break down the walls and previous borders and boundaries will shift or will be removed all together. Wide open, transparent, new wave is the new way. Trust, honesty, truth will be the the new tenants to stand by-people know the truth because they sense it, they will listen to this/these feelings and go where their intuition says it is safe and reliable to go. No more capitalist lies and greed. It is all about the community, the common good, working together for the greater good-support, relationships, a process of community, family and relation that makes everyone accountable/responsible. We all need to step up to create the world we want to see and live in."

A few days before, this was in my morning pages:

"Stars so bright, dancing, sparkling, hanging in your path, shimmering, reflecting light, jewels of radiance, happiness, connection. Gems to keep, to protect, to value, to use, to heal, to seal, to place on broken damaged unhealed elements, parts, places in people. They glimmer they are in reach, you touch them, feel their light, their energy. You grasp them in your arms, holding them all to your chest, each one slowly disappearing into you, pop, pop, pop and your mouth opens and you sing. Your body, your light body opens, a bright shining light, to reveal energy of all colours dancing and merging and moving with vibrance and health. They are spiralling through your whole body waking up every cell as they go deep deep into every part of your body, waking up the blood, the tissue, the lymph, the organs, each part down to the smallest element, around your digestion, your heart. Kicking out a whole lot of rubbish and unneeded things at your throat and on up into your head, your brain, clearing out all the pathways, the old unuseful ways of thinking. Lighting up some areas so that you are vibrant, go getting, risk taking and whooshing with creativity and bounce......"

Funnily enough since that time my shamanic healing work has really opened and i have been able to say for the first time to everyone that this is what i do. Now i am seeing clients regularly and it is amazing and such a privilege to do this work, what a wonderful life, i feel really blessed!!

Time

Time to write, time to dream, time to be the mother i would like to be! Things run on and as i look back i realise that although many dreams of how i wanted to be as a mother had to change due to energetic circumstances and in some ways i could say therefore fell short of my ideals, many things have by far surpassed anything i thought possible and i am proud oh so proud to be saying that. I struggled with M.E for many years before having children, struggling to function in a normal way and needing endless recovery time (as just one part of the experience) yet i didn't want to wait to 'get better' fully before having children because i felt at the time that this may never happen or it may take a looong time, i  also had no idea about what was involved...selfish probably but wow what a journey and one i would not change for the world. When i so easily became pregnant in the first month i was seriously thrilled but i also panicked about exactly how i would cope and then for sure when i had my second that i would not make it. Throughout the last 4 years i have been so stretched emotionally and physically (and especially having moved abroad when my eldest son was 4 months old taking away any support network which is so vital) that sometimes i thought it was not possible to go on, yet i've done it/am doing it and along the way i have learnt so much (wow what a serious spiritual lesson and learning about oneself and others having children is) and the boys have been such a joy. I've also had some serious opportunities to heal further namely being intuitively led into a high raw food way of eating, being the beneficiary of some incredible, infact mind blowing Life Alignment Therapy from my incredible mum  ( i love her recent blog post) and some other wonderful healers including the beautiful Alice and really recently finding that the natural approach to healing my severe Thyroid issue was as simple as the raw food diet with high doses of Dr.Vogels Kelp tablets, this has taken the edge off the raw, mind numbing dragging myself through the day exhaustion and the horrendous depression and anger that came with it. I am seriously happy and healthy right now and i have two bright happy boys, I am doing it, i am being a mum with all the energetic demands that that makes and i realise that i am well, i am coping and although there are a few things that i have had to compromise due to my energy levels i feel that is is pretty darn amazing to be here and to be coping so well. I am a full time mum right now and that is just such bliss, i feel very lucky to be doing exactly that ( i wonder what throwing work into the mix would be like) and i hope i have the courage to keep going against the Norwegian system by keeping my children at home for longer than the norm. There is a fabulous book that helps to inspire one to do just this:  "Life Without School: The Quiet Revolution" (or on amazon here)- i am slowly working my way through the whole Mother Magazine book list which is just a blissful journey as is the bi monthly magazine!Motherhood is a blissful, mind expanding, stretching and life changing experience and golly i love those boys to bits and pieces:

Theodore and Sebastian July 2011

“If you are going to doubt something, doubt your limits”.

Don Ward

SELF TRUST LEADS TO EMPOWERMENT

It was while living in Glasgow after my first degree that i came across Zaria Cullens CD "Waves Upon Waves: Awakening the Light body. A Sacred Crystal Healing Medicine Journey with Zaria Et An". Somehow i knew that i needed the healing that this CD offered, i was struggling hugely with chronic fatigue, immensely stuck and in need of help, but i didn't know the depths of help that would come from following that intuitive feeling about it.

Here is the blurb from the back cover:

"For many years now Zaria has delighted, captivated and enchanted audiences with her inspirational and transformational Crystal Healing Meditations. Spiritually sensitive since birth, Zaria has always been aware of and able to communicate with the Spirits, Divas and Angels of the Earth Mother's sacred Crystals. Here she tells their Medicine Story and guides the listener on a sacred Crystal Healing Journey into the heart of their own potential. Bring your heart back into rhythm with that of the Earth Mother and reclaim your Divine Birthright of feeling Healthy, Happy and Whole. This journey is the equivalent of having a session of Crystal Healing Therapy with Zaria. Highly relaxing while spiritually expansive, this Healing Journey is ideal for both beginners and the more experienced.It contains all you need to know to start healing yourself today. This Crystal Healing Journey can be experienced over and over again ~ anytime you feel the need. Each therapy session will take the listener to a deeper and deeper level of their own Self Healing and Self Empowerment. ENJOY. This journey is dedicated with great love to the spirit of the Earth Mother." If you would like a copy go to Zarias website here.

I used the CD as often as i could and it began to open things up for me and allow me to 'breath' again. It was the start of the deep healing that i needed. Somehow before i left Glasgow i managed to get a private healing session with Zaria because it turned out that my wonderful boss Josef knew her well. I was completely blown away simply by her presence and then by the following healing session. I felt seen for the first time in a long time and i mean really seen to the core of my being. I felt that she just understood without explanation and in that session she began to help me to understand what i had been seeing and feeling all these years and gifted me an understanding of what i might need to do to get better.

I signed up quite soon afterwards to one of her healing courses, feeling that it was absolutely what i had been looking for in order to heal, to make sense of and to start trusting what i had been experiencing for most of my life but hadn't understood and more often than not had been scared of. Experiences of seeing, feeling and hearing presences, angels and guides, astrally travelling, vivid waking dreams in which i felt like i was being gifted/downloading huge amounts of information from spirit, among many other things. I realise looking back on it that it was a shamanic training/awakening and that these experiences would come when i needed them the most, to remind me that we are always connected to great spirit even when we are not aware of it.
I had grown up feeling deeply- feeling other people’s emotions including their physical and emotional pain, but I had no idea how to deal with this hyper sensitivity, instead i often just tried to block out these feelings in order not to feel so much or to be totally overwhelmed by them or the fear of it all. But ironically when you fully acknowledge the fear and allow it instead of trying to push it away it can begin to transform and things can open up. Ultimately F.E:A.R -False.Evidence.Appearing.Real can become Focused.Energy.Alters.Reality.

Doing the two year "Crystal Healing, Natural Medicines and Psychic Development course" with Zaria was the best thing i ever did. The program included: Crystal healing, hands-on-healing, meditation, development of psychic and auric sensitivity, Shamanic techniques, learning to trusting our intuition, dream work, dowsing, learning about colour, plants, herbs, oils, space clearing, massage, crystal webs, grids and configurations, development of listening and counselling skills, Earth Healing techniques, physical and spiritual nutrition, construction and utilisation of shamanic medicine wheels, the healing power of sound, meridian cleansing and balancing techniques, making gem elixirs, crystal massage, advanced healing layouts as well as Anatomy and physiology" and it qualified me to be a Crystal Therapist (C.T.U.O.L)/ Natural Medicine healer.  But most if all it enabled me to see that the gifts i had were incredible and that essentially i am a healer. Something that people around me had been saying for years.

It was the first course where i felt that each individual was completely honoured for who they are and everything was done with great love, deep respect and gentleness. Zaria is an incredible person and a wise and deeply skilled healer and it was such an honour to be taught by her and be on this awakening journey with her guidance. I came away from each weekend feeling completely reconnected, buzzing with energy and light and enhanced by the whole experience. It was so good to be with people who really understood this stuff and could talk openly about it all as we shared this incredible experience and practiced everything that we learnt on each other. We were given healing foods and were taught a whole host of  invaluable skills and essential knowledge about the natural world and vibrational medicine, it was all in all a wholly nourishing experience, a coming home that enabled me to believe in myself again.

It was incredible to realise that i could use the ability to empathise deeply with people and the fact that i could see, feel and hear guides and spirits in order to work with a person to help them heal. But most importantly i began to trust my intuition and what i was sensing. I found that i was able to sense what was going on in the physical, mental, emotional and etheric body of a person by 'reading' their light/energy body, i was able to journey for them in the spirit world,  as well as being able to weave energy, unblocking places in the body where things had become tangled and stagnant, using psychic surgery as well harnessing natural, planetary and star medicine to heal, to name but a few tools that i was given by spirit and that i learnt to use by trusting and allowing it all to flow in a healing session. It was mindblowing and exciting.

We were taught to access the sources of any disease or discomfort, rather than just treating the manifesting symptoms. We worked with the Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual bodies in a safe and sacred space. Learning to develop more trust in our own perceptions, and more confidence in our ability to serve and support others and ourselves. "It is the ideal choice for all Holistic Health Care Practitioners, providing plenty of time and space in which to experience and understand Vibrational Medicine. All courses are designed to support and encourage each student, and to honour their unique spiritual perceptions, as they reclaim their birthright of self mastery and self empowerment.Only when we fully love ourselves, are we ready to fully love each other."

One of The U.O.L.’s most basic tenets is that they trust and assume that all of the students carry amazing potential. "And, that with a little support and guidance, they will emerge as proficient and empowered therapists. We also honour each soul who has the wisdom and the courage to make time for the next stage in their own self healing journey. We honour the Medicines of openness, freedom, change, choice, flexibility, acceptance, truth, trust, love and intuition, and know that if you have been guided towards one of our courses - you are ready, and we look forward to sharing the journey with you."

I feel very lucky to have found this training as it has opened up a whole world for me that was trying to get my attention for years and i now feel was essential for me to embrace. I think without knowing it it took a lot of energy to deny what was happening and to try to push it all away.

For years before and after this training i worked with children and teenagers in various settings supporting them and working with their pain and negative beliefs about themselves and about the world, often as a result of adverse life experiences. I began to use this new awareness from the healing course in my work and i also began to be sent clients to work with in order to directly use these skills.

Embracing my intuition and understanding these gifts that i had not previously understood or even wanted to have has been a relief to say the least and was ultimately what i had been searching for in order to start to heal and to find my way foward.